No means No! Not ‘Maybe’, nor ‘Sometimes’. It means NO!! Please. PLEASE! This hotel has gotta get it right. Please!! Please hotel peoples, listen here to things hotels gotta get right. That little sign you hang on your door must be very clear. I love the RED for “leave me the F alone!” and GREEN for “yes please come and tidy up my messes.” Excellent hotels get this concept, like those in Japan and the Kimpton chain, for example. Others the maids may be banging on your door just to piss you off. Because we know they are way overpaid (sarcasm alert!) for that (mostly) thankless and difficult job. See I owned, before the great crash, 100 apartments, and let me tell you, I’ve done PLENTY of cleaning. Down to the bone clean. So here’s a big
THANK YOU to all the hard working cleaning crews out there. With that being said; “Really, what about that ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on my door is confusing to you?!!” Uggggg! Drives me (more) insane when UNINVITED people are banging on my door, especially when it’s not Ed McMahon with that massive $10,000,000 Publishers Clearing House Check. I never did win that BTW.
The Sun, El Sol, is our friend and energy provider. Without “her” we wouldn’t even be here typing/reading this. But when it’s sleepy time, she needs to go away and leave us alone. Nighty night! Until we are ready for her once again. Dark means blackout dark, not kinda dark, not peeping gaps, holes, of any size, for her to sneak into our rooms. The vampire killer we call it. Make sure the bedrooms are DARK. Dark means Dark! Plus get all those stupid LED lights out of there. The AC has the temp reading, that’s great, but how about an auto turnoff after 15 seconds. We don’t need a huge blue dot, or numbers, or ANYTHING shining like a supernova at 3am into our bloodshot eyes.
Room doors. They are part of the love it or hate it feelings I have towards hotel rooms. Doors need to be thick, close smoothly and SHUSH!!! “quietly”; lock easily and completely. No SLAMMING!!! I’ve been in hotels where there really isn’t a lock. I’ve had doors that creak, that squeak, that are paper thin, useless. Plus these stupid alternate “door knobs” I’ve encountered here in Greece and Southern Italy. WTF!! Whoever designed them worked for Stalin at some point, I’m sure. Thick, smooth and silent, just like a world-class nightclub VIP doorman; that’s how hotel doors should be.
Friendly Staff. Let’s face it, likely this is the core make it or break it for any business, especially for those of us in the hospitality industry. We know that, to survive and prosper, staffing must be friendly, at the bare minimum. My 5-Star wedding venue and event space NOVA 535, in sunny downtown St. Pete, Florida, relies on providing our clients and their guests with a warm, welcoming “how can we help attitude”. Any hotel, really all businesses, MUST get this right.
Cleanliness. This also is super supercritical. It’s either clean and we stay, OR, no it’s isn’t and I’m leaving because it’s disgusting. Think about this. You are sleeping, walking, doing who knows what in this room; same as the last 10,000 guests. So a proper, thorough, SANITIZING clean-up is critical. EVERY TIME, not just on every 3rd leap year. And please NO CARPETS. Ugggggg, so disgusting! They NEVER EVER get clean. Instead, they are lovely homes for all kinds of creepy crawly multi-legged things you watch on the Electron Microscope Horror Network. Spend extra for tile, or even better, real hardwood floors. Like we did at NOVA. Of course there can’t be any moldy/musty odors, unrecognizable smears, hairs in the sink/toilet/anywhere. Super duper clean. ADA on vacation time METH clean! Use a steam cleaner and vinegar.
Quality Building Construction. Double paned windows. That actually close tight. Concrete floors and walls. 5/8″ of drywall isn’t a sound barrier. We call it “Sound Proofing” in the USA. Plenty of outlets and light switches in locations that make sense. And yes we all need to save electricity, we get it. But when you leave the room, and the power is 100% shut off, then how the F are you going to charge all your power hungry digital devices??? Hmmm?? What about keeping the room cool when fighting the 95 degree outdoor humidity swamp? Hello?? Keep at least 1-2 “charging” outlets always hot. Like the ladies at Mons Venus, hot! Huh? What? Moving on here….shit it is 3am when I’m ranting this bloggery down. Give me a blanket to put over the window and tape for those stupid LED lights!!!
Good Signage. Where am I? What city am I in? Which way is my room? The pool? The bar?? It’s super frustrating to roam around aimlessly when you gotta pee / need a drink / want to swim and you’re clueless on which way to go!
Fresh Tasty Food. If you are gonna serve food, then by damn get it right. A final important thing here that hotels gotta get right. Hot, fresh, tasty and delicious. I was pleasantly surprised at my stay at Hotel Christina, in Romania, at how wonderful their food was. People asked how the food in Bucharest was, and aside from 1-2 meals dining out, I ate in. And LOVED IT! The owner and I quickly made pals, both of pure Entrepreneurial blood. And having both (barely) survived the great crash. I complimented him on the excellent job he has done, and is doing, with his boutique hotel. The weirdest thing though, was the food was all “name your own price”. Confusing and a bit annoying, until you understood the why. Maybe that story, which he shared with me, is in another blog…..maybe!
Coffee – that’s REAL COFFEE – in your room. Real coffee and coffee maker. Cream, mugs, spoons. Filtered water. Wars were started over less than the nasty taste of freeze dried Nescafe. Ugg.
ROOM PHONEy. Hello???? WTF? How about a phone with IMAGES / ICONS vs. tiny print you cannot understand nor read anyways. HELLO??? It’s 2017. More things hotels gotta get right! I just want to talk to a human at the hotel. So best would be NO BUTTONS and just have the receptionist answer when I pick up the phone. BINGG-the-F-GO!!
How a satisfied customer looks and feels when a hotel gets is all right! Bravo!! Plus we tend on staying a LOT LONGER, and we tip better!
Come on hotel owners and managers, take a read! Please listen up to the things hotels gotta get right!